


I Promise

by emomushroom



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Light Bondage, M/M, Self-Harm, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-24
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:42:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27700868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emomushroom/pseuds/emomushroom
Summary: Seven years after the war, Harry Potter is slowly slipping into depression again.Five years after he and Draco got married, Draco is home late. Again. By almost two hours.Harry wants to hurt himself. He wants to be pretty, to be something other than the mess he sees in the mirror. He wants to feel loved, to feel not alone.Hurting himself during sex seems like his only option.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter
Kudos: 46





	I Promise

Harry was furious.  
Completely, utterly furious.  
Draco had _one job. One!_ One job! Be home for their anniversary, but _noooo_ , that was just too much.  
Not to mention Harry felt ugly.  
Horribly ugly.  
He looked up from the spot on the floor he was staring at as the front door opened. “Harry?” he heard. “I’m home, love.”  
“In here,” Harry mumbled.  
“Why are you eating ice cream in the bathtub?”  
Harry blinked.  
“You really don’t know?”  
“What?”  
“It’s our anniversary, you… you… Five _years_ , Draco! We’ve been married for _five years_! And this is the one you forget?!”  
“Hey, I didn’t forget-”  
“Then why were you two hours late! You didn’t call, you didn’t text, not even a damned Patronus! Two hours!”  
“Honey, St. Mungos was really busy today. I wasn’t able to call you. I didn’t mean to be this late.”  
“‘S fine.”  
“No, no it’s not.”  
“Just go,” Harry snarled. He took a large bite of ice cream, shuddering when he noticed an ice cream headache coming. “Just go.”  
“Harry-”  
“Go!”  
“You’re fully clothed in a bathtub listening to hard rock while eating ice cream from the tub.”  
“What’s your point!? I’m not the one who was _two_ bloody hours late to our _five year anniversary!!_ ”  
“It was an accident!”  
“I don’t care!” Harry felt tears prick his eyes.”J-Just leave me _alone_!”  
“...Okay.”  
Soon, the ice cream tub was empty, Harry’s face was dry, and he decided something.  
He wanted hot, angry sex. Sex that would hurt. Not pain that turns to pleasure. Pure pain. Pure pain and hate and anger.  
He chucked the container to the side and got out. No water was in the tub, so his clothes were still dry. He was wearing a black, slightly oversized jumper and tight black jeans. They were supposed to have had a night walking around London, with a homemade dinner, and he wanted to look good.  
He put on those clothes to feel pretty. To feel good. But then, Draco never came, and HArry found himself staring in the mirror, wondering what he did wrong.  
Depression really fucks with your head sometimes.  
He pulled out his makeup kit after making sure the door was locked. He wanted something simple, but enough to maybe take away that horrible feeling.  
Black lipstick and mascara. Just enough, it turned out, to make him less ugly than before.  
But he was still angry. Angry at Draco? No. Angry at himself? Probably. All he knew was that he had a bundle of frustration and anger growing inside of him and he wanted it gone.  
“Draco,” he called.  
“Yeah?”  
“Can… can you do something for me?”  
“Anything, love.”  
“Can you go put on the blindfold?”  
“Why?”  
“I… I wanna top,” Harry mumbled.  
“Okay. Should I get out the box, too?”  
“Yeah. Sure. Lay on the bed.”  
Harry heard footsteps, then nothing. He waited a few minutes until he was sure Draco was blindfolded.  
He didn’t want to top because he wanted control. He wanted to top so he could hurt himself, and Draco wouldn’t see. He wouldn’t see pain, he would think Harry’s cries were in pleasure.  
He went up to their room to see Draco sitting, blindfolded, and in only a jumper and boxers.  
“You’re… beautiful,” Harry whispered. “Lie down. I’m going to cuff you.”  
“Okay.”  
Harry took two pairs of cuffs from the box and cuffed both Draco’s wrist’ to the headboard. He then slipped Draco’s boxers off, revealing Draco’s half-hard length, and threw them on the floor, his jeans soon joining, along with his boxers.  
With a quick handjob, Draco's length was rock hard, and Draco was waiting eagerly. “Ready?” Harry asked.  
“What are you going to do?”  
“Take a ride…”  
Harry hadn’t prepared himself and he knew that. He didn’t care.  
In one swift move, he was hovering above Draco’s member, slowly pushing it in his hole.  
“Harry?” Draco asked. “You… You aren’t prepared, we shouldn’t-”  
“I know.”  
“You what?! D’you know how _dangerous_ that is? You could hurt yourself!”  
“I know. I want it raw. I want it raw and hard.”  
“Hare-”  
“I’m in control, Draco. If I want it raw and hard and painful, then I’m going to have it raw and hard and painful.”  
“Are… are you sure about this?”  
“Positive.”  
Harry let himself fall, the tears falling. His voice caught in his throat.  
It hurt.  
“H-Harry~” Draco moaned. “Fuck, you’re tight.”  
Harry started moving. He wanted to moan out, but he couldn’t. He just couldn’t. Every time he moved, he felt a stabbing pain in his stomach. Especially when Draco thrusted into him.  
“H-Harry?” Draco stuttered. “Y-You- oh, fuck… Y-You aren’t s-saying anything?”  
“F-Fine… I-I’m fine…”  
“Harry… Harry, wait…”  
“No. ‘M fine.” As if to prove his point, Harry raised himself until it was only the head of Draco’s cock inside, and let himself go.  
“Ngh…” Harry let out. “Fuck… fuck… fuck…”  
“H-Harry?”  
“I-I’m f-fine!” Harry exclaimed, though the tears were heard in his voice. Tears were flowing freely now. He found mascara running down his face when he wiped his cheek, and the tears were tinted black on his hand.  
“Stop.”  
“Wh-What?!”  
“I said stop. Let go, uncuff me, take this off. I don’t want to do this anymore.”  
“P-Please, Draco, I need this.”  
“Harry, get off!” Draco was fighting against the cuffs now, leaving red marks on his pale skin.  
“I… Okay…”  
The blindfold came off first. Harry pulled his jumper so it was covering his face. He didn’t know why, but he didn’t want to be seen. He didn’t want Draco to see whatever… whatever this was.  
“Harry, get off my cock.”  
Harry moved so he was straddling Draco’s stomach instead. With a flick of his wand, they were both in boxers again.  
“Cuffs.”  
Another flick of the wand, and the cuffs were gone as well.  
“Show me your face.” Draco’s hands were gentle on Harry’s neck and thigh. “Please.”  
Harry shook his head. He shaked with each sob.  
“I-I can’t.”  
“Why ever not?”  
“I-I’m so ugly… Dammit, Draco… I-I… I just wanted to be pretty…”  
“You are, Harry. You’re beautiful.”  
“No, no I’m not! I-I’m ugly, I-I’m not pretty… I don’t feel pretty. I-I’m ugly and horrid and gross…”  
“But why hurt yourself?”  
“I-I… I wanted to. I wanted to hurt myself again... b-but you still check me sometimes. I-I thought... maybe... maybe I could hurt myself in here … I’m sorry! I swear, I swear I’m sorry, but… But work is so stressful and-and you’re never home anymore and-and I feel… I feel so alone…  
“I-It hurts, Draco…” he whimpered.  
“What does, honey?”  
“M-My… my arse does. More than usual. It _hurts_! I-I wanted to hurt myself, but not like this! I-I’m sorry, Draco!”  
“Oh, baby… shh… it’s okay. It’s okay.” Draco snaked his arms around Harry and held him tight. “It’s okay, baby raven. It’s okay. It’ll be okay, I promise.”  
“No… no it won’t. I-I thought this was over… I thought I was okay again! I-I-I… Dammit!”  
“It’s alright. It’s okay. Even if you don’t feel very okay right now. I’ll be on time more often.”  
“Dammit…”  
“What?”  
“Y-Your jumper… It was white… A-And…”  
“Hare, if you got makeup on my jumper, I don’t care. It’s some stupid makeup, it’ll come out in the wash.”  
Harry lifted his head off of Draco’s shoulder and pulled his jumper down, so Draco could see his smeared makeup, running mascara, and tears.  
“Oh, baby… Oh Harry, I’m so sorry…”  
“W-What for?”  
“I’ve been staying late. You’re hardly ever awake when I get home… And then I have to leave before you wake up.  
“Listen, I’m going to get my hours sorted out, alright? I’ll talk to my boss. She’s understanding, she knows I have you at home. She knows, ‘member? That you’re dealing with some stuff?” Draco promised.  
“Y-Yeah… she’s nice… I like her…”  
“Well, good. Therapy with the guy you were seeing helped, right? Could you start going back to him?”  
“Yeah… D-Draco, it really hurts… something’s wrong… wrong… I-I wan’ it to stop. I didn’ wanna hurt like this…”  
“Okay, honey. Let’s get you to the bath, and get you some water.”  
“‘K-Kay…”  
“Okay. Alright, let’s go.” Draco lifted Harry, who clung to him like a koala. “You’re okay.”  
“Warm or cool?”  
“Warm, please. Warm.”  
“Okay, baby.” Draco lowered Harry on the seat of the toilet as he knelt down to feel the temperature of the water. “Why don’t you take those off while the tub fills?” Harry shook his head.  
“D’you want me to add bubbles? So you don’t have to… you know?”  
“Yeah… okay… bubbles sound good.”  
“Okay, honey.”  
Harry curled his legs against his chest, burying his head in his legs.  
“Tub’s filled.”  
“Okay…”  
He stripped his clothes and got in instantly, the many bubbles making it so he could not see his naked body, Draco soon joining him. Harry leaned against the other’s chest.  
“Harry?”  
“What…?”  
“Why… why did you want to hurt yourself again?”  
He shrugged. He didn’t really know why, just that he wanted it. He wanted to be in pain to numb the other pain.  
“It… It… I wanted it to hurt… so it would numb the other pain. I’m sorry… I…”  
“It’s okay. What can I do to help? What should I do this time?”  
“Just… come home. Please come home.”  
“Okay, okay.”  
Harry shifted uncomfortably. It really hurt.  
“Draco…” he whined. “It hurts!”  
“Okay. Can I have a look?”  
In a few short moments, they found Harry had a tear. With his wand, Draco healed it quickly, but that did not stop the tears cascading down Harry’s face.  
“Harry, it shouldn’t hurt anymore… Why’re you crying?”  
He shook his head.  
Apparently, that was enough for Draco to figure out what was wrong, because he said, “Wha- Oh. Oh… are you embarrassed?”  
Harry nodded.  
“Well… Well how about I wash you off, and then we go to the sitting room and watch a stupid rom-com we make fun of?”  
No reply.  
“D’you want dinner?”  
Not even a whisper.  
“Should I just cuddle you for the next forty eight hours? Does that sound good?”  
“Please…”  
“You are eating something after we’re done, though.”  
Harry didn’t complain. He just wanted this to all be over with.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Draco drew circles on Harry’s thigh with his finger. “Are you okay?”  
He shook his head. “I don’t think so.”  
“Harry, can you look at me?”  
Harry turned so he was laying on his other side, facing Draco, who brushed some hair out of his face. “I’m going to talk to my boss. I’ll go in at eight, so we leave at the same time, and I’ll come home around five or six. Is that okay? Then we’re at home and at work around the same time.”  
“Yeah. Are you going to keep working weekends? You can if you want! I-I don’t-”  
“No. I’m not. I’m only going to work weekends if they really need me.”  
“Why’s it been so busy? I mean… you work in the children's ward.”  
“A lot of kids have been slipping on ice this year and getting the Muggle flu. I don’t know why, but it’s not a spell or anything that’s making them fall or get sick.”  
“Oh…”  
“It’s okay. There are plenty of people who can work late, Hare. I should’ve come home. We don’t need the extra money. You need me here.”  
“I’m sorry-”  
“Stop apologizing, Hare. It’s okay. I want to be here.” Draco wrapped his arms around his lover, holding him close and tight. “I love you so, so much. And I am so sorry I wasn’t on time tonight.” He finger combed the others curls, knowing it would relax him. “Sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up.”  
“D-D’you promise?”  
Draco smiled, and placed a kiss on Harry’s forehead. He removed his glasses, then set them on the nightstand.  
“I promise.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
